


Sing, please

by Artdaddy



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jason Todd is a Softie, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Singing, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24176899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artdaddy/pseuds/Artdaddy
Summary: Dick had always held his feelings inside, the fear of dealing with them was too great to risk it. He had family, and friends who he needed to be there for- he needed to be there for Jason. He knows letting them boil up is bad, but he can handle it, he always had. He would lay in bed, and squeeze his eyes shut tight and wait for Jay to come home, and hope that he wouldn't notice anything off; but sometimes the thoughts got too heavy, and Dick would have no choice but go back to the same old dirty habits.Tonight was different though, laying in bed hadn't helped, and neither did the blade that was sitting beside him on the bathroom floor, so now what? The shaking in his hands wouldn't stop but his head was so full and- he just wanted jay
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 13
Kudos: 84





	Sing, please

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic ever, so they're probably going to be pretty off personality wise, but hopefully ill get better with time:)  
> ALSO if it wasn't already clear enough,,, TRIGGER WARNING!!!! if you're sensitive to mentions of suicide and self harm please don't read this. Also I would REALLY love feedback so hehethanks<<<<3

He felt full, His head was sloshing with memories that would go away no matter how hard he tried to forget. He was too big for the tiny room that hadn't exactly felt too small until now. The air was dense, and he couldn't push the idea that his lungs were coated with something sticky, out of his head. Thhe sheets were sticking to him from sweat, and they didn't stop Dick from shivering as he lay, staring at the lamp on his side table. He could have just closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but he had given up on that idea awhile ago. Sleep wouldn't make the eternally exhaustion go away.

The blue shade covering the bulb of the lamp cast cool tones throughout the room, mixing with the light pollution flooding in the open window. It was the same window Jay would crawl through. God he loved that man, the way he spoke his mind, was protective, and held a soft spot for Dick, even if he hated to admit it. Jason Todd was the only person who knew about how tired Dick could get. He was the only person he had ever told. The only person who knew his enthusiasm and smiles and brightness were all a lie. The only person who knew what had happened with Mirage, and told Dick it wasn't his fault. The only person who held him and cried with him when he talked about Catalina and that night, and when Dick had called it sex, Jay had corrected him, "Dick that's fucking rape, not sex." And even after Dick had told him how disgusting he was, Jason still said he loved him. 

He felt heavy, like molasses had filled his veins and soaked up all his energy. Why was he so, so tired? Crying would help the emptiness pass, he knew, but such a big part of him was convinced he didn't deserve the satisfaction of fullness. Today had been long, sure, but that was no reason to be so sad. He had no reason to be so pathetic. _so dramatic._ _You don't deserve to be happy._

Today hadn't been bad, but the smile that seemed to make everyone else's day just a bit brighter pinched Dicks cheeks just a bit tighter than usual, and everything he gave out so carefully, was taken so carelessly. He was tired, but wasn't he always? Who was Dick Grayson if he wasn't cheerful and energetic and _happy?_ Who would he be? But he didn't feel like Dick Grayson tonight. He didn't feel like anyone, no one worth mentioning, no one worth loving. He couldn't see why Jason had asked him to be his boyfriend, no matter how many times Jay had told him he loved Dick. _Why would he love someone as disgusting as you?_ He was gross, and he didn't deserve to be in Jason's bed, didn't deserve his love. He could do so much better than Dick, go and find someone beautiful, and smart and kind and _real._ All Dick could ever be is fake.

Somehow, he had found his way in the bathroom now, on the cool tile. The small inkling of doubt held in the back of his mind told him to go lay back down, to wait for Jason. Dick hadn't done this in so long, but now he was going to ruin everything, as per usual. He stepped into the tub, leaving all his clothes on. His mind was blank as he turned on the tap, the steaming hot water not registering as it burned his feet. His clothes were wet but for some reason he just couldn't move, and now the water was up to his stomach and it was so hot and now there's a blade in his hand. When did he get that?

His arms were stinging, and he had no idea how he would explain this to Jason, but he found it hard to care. The tears had come without his consent, just like everything else, and now his cheeks were wet and he had made more cuts because _you deserve this._ Why wouldn't he deserve it? He was disgusting, and a cheater, and weak. He just made chaos wherever he went. _Maybe you should just stop being alive. No more hurting people._ He would have opposed the thought, but the blood pooling into the bathtub said something else. He had done too much? Of course he fucked this up too.

...

Jason was on his way home after a drug bust, when his phone started ringing the obnoxious tone of "dancing Queens", the ringtone Dick had chosen. The fact that Dick was calling at 3:03 in the morning hit Jason in all the wrong places, because as far as he knew, he normally would have been sleeping by now.

"Hey Dickie, what you up so late for? You said goodnight to me two hours ago," Not that he would admit it, but Jason had missed Dick, as he hadn't gotten to see him since that morning.

The voice at the other end of the line didn't sound like Dick, rather, someone who was tired, and desperate. "Jay are you coming home soon? I-I think I need you to come home" The sniffles only grew louder, little sobs in between syllables making the worry in his stomach grow. Dicks voice was so soft, and airy, like he wasn't all there anymore.

"Babe whats going on? I'm on my way home okay? Are you safe?" He was speeding now. If he was following the law, it would take him half an hour to get home but that's just too long of a wait.

"Im so- Im sorry," Dick could barely get the words through his crying, he felt embarrassed. He should be the one taking care of Jay, not the other way around. _God stop being so needy._ "I'll just hang up n-now"

"No! Dickie I need you to stay on the phone with me okay?" Jason was _not_ going to let what happened last time happen again. He refused to come home and find the love of his life passed out on the floor after attempting. Not again. "What do you need? Baby I need you to keep talking to me" He was almost home, ten minutes.

"Jay can you sing for me? Please?"

"Yes Dickie, just close your eyes and listen, okay?"

He sounded so fragile, and so, so far gone. "I love you, Jay."

And Jason sang, he sang the lullabys Dick would hum while he made his cereal. He sang Dancing Queens because it was Dicks favorite, and after that he just kept saying "I love you" because Jason was so fucking scared that his other half would be gone. He was scared that there would be no more matching Christmas sweaters, and no more kisses and cigarettes on the roof while they rant about life, and god he was so fucking scared that Dick Grayson was dead because what would he do then?

He was speeding, and tears were crawling from his eyes as he sang through the phone, praying to god that he would be fast enough.

**Author's Note:**

> HHHHHHH the feels i got writing this ;-;  
> hopefully its alright, no proofreading is alot of risk, especially when youre writing at midnight haha.  
> But yea this storys inspired by that one tiktok of the guy singing to his wife on his way home while shes going through an episode and its honestl so touching sooo


End file.
